(Written on 9/18/2010)
I’ve now been at site for a little over 2 weeks. I must admit that this week I am feeling much better than I was the first week I was here. As you may recall from my last post I was really wanting a hug from my mom, and that only snowballed into an intense roller coaster of a week.
However!
Like I said, I am doing much better now. Last weekend I went with my site mate Andrea (Dre) to Lilongwe and for the purpose of “mental health” we stayed there the whole weekend. We stayed at a lodge that had amazing hot showers, and went and had good food with ice cream and beer. Even though I probably didn’t need to stay the whole weekend, stepping outside of my site for a while to gather my emotions and resituate my attitude was very helpful. I also talked with my mom, which the time before wasn’t helpful, but this time it was because I had told her how Dre reminded me that I am here by choice and home is just a phone call away. My mom agreed and said she had to remind herself that too, and also that my sister was complaining that I left her, and my mom said that it wouldn’t be much different if I had received an awesome job opportunity in California for 2 years; they wouldn’t talk to or see me any more than they do now. Thinking of it that way really helped, so I’m keeping all that in mind and taking it day-by-day. Plus Dre was not having an easy week too, and I had feared that I was the only one who got to site and had a minor freak out, but I wasn’t. It was nice to be able to sit with her and talk about all the things we were both experiencing, as far as our emotions and run-ins with frustrating Malawian behaviors.
I do love Malawi, and the Malawians, but oh man they can be frustrating sometimes. Mainly, their sense of organization and priorities are completely different than mine or what I think are right. Nothing ever happens at the time it’s planned and the Health Center’s method of record keeping is less than ideal. I know this is a 3rd World country and they are doing anything to just get by, but I find myself bothered by the conditions in which medical services are provided at my Health Center. The “Maternity Ward” is a room with 2 beds, that sometimes if there are too many women, some are forced to give birth on the floor. Their method of treating patients is: a person comes in and sits down and says, “ I’m suffering from….” And they say, “Ok, here’s such-n-such drug.” That’s it. I find myself trying to rationalize this by thinking, at least their is some care going on and people have access to medications, and in all reality it just isn’t practical to imagine the American Health system in Malawian standards. There are no computers or ways for them to actually test patients for certain illnesses. Bottom line, they’re doing the best they can… I think. I suppose after living here for 2 years I will have a much better grasp of how things work around here, for now I’m just a new arrival, and outsider, and an observer.
Anyway…
For those of you on Facebook, you are already aware that my trip to Lilongwe was not the most fun. Friday night I rode my bike to Dre’s house to stay the night because she is on the way to Mitundu and we wanted to get up early on Saturday and go. Well, Saturday morning I woke up to the front tire of my bike being completely flat. Great. I pumped it up and prayed that I could make it to where a bike repair person would be set of on the side of the road. I barely made it but did and the Malawian patched my flat and pumped up the tire. Then we were off… About 20 mins into Mitundu I started thinking, “I know I’m not in the best of shape, but man this is really kicking my butt!” So I asked Dre if it looked like my back tire was flat and she said no. Ok… Well 10 mins later we hit a little bike traffic because it was market day and tons of people were heading into town and Dre ended up behind me and says, “You know, your back tire does look a little flat.” And sure enough it was flat, flat, flat. Ugh! We had just hit the outskirts of Mitundu and were easily a 30 minute walk from Bryan’s house (the volunteer we were meeting and leaving our bikes at his house). Dre said she would ride my bike because she had experience riding on flats before. I agreed and we switched bikes. Well about two pedals worth the entire tube came out of the tire and got caught in the gears of my bike. Yup. We ended up having to cut it out! We ended up walking to Bryan’s anyway. At the time we were laughing a lot, but I think it was to prevent ourselves from crying, lol. It was not a good way to start the day. But like I mentioned before, the trip was well worth it and I was able to obtain a new tube from the office so all was good.
We came back to our villages on Monday morning. We had both bought some things in Lilongwe so our load was much heavier than when we went there and I was having extreme difficulty keeping up on the ride home. I ended up hitching a ride on a large truck who was going my direction and already had a bunch on people in tow. It was very nice of them and much faster than riding my bike.
This week has been really good and I’ve been keeping super busy (obviously since I haven’t been able to make a post). Wednesday was a jammed packed day. Let me start by saying that apparently my female Malawian friends think I’m completely incompetent when it comes to washing anything. So in the morning I started by doing some laundry. About 5 minutes into washing Gladys (my neighbor) came over, for what reason other than to say hi I’m not sure, and proceeded to laugh at my washing method and showed me the “right” way of doing it. Even when her demonstration apparently I was not up to snuff because she then completely took over. It wasn’t long when another lady came over named Trisa (tree-sa) and began helping Gladys with my wash. Together they washed all my clothes, while I sat there and watched. lol Afterwards they both left and I fixed myself some lunch. After lunch I decided to wash dishes. At this time I was also letting a few young girls fetch water for me, they showed up asking if they could, so I said ok. They were off getting the water when I began to prepare my dish washing station. They came back just as I was about to start and one asked, “Mukustuka mbale?” Which means “You are washing dishes?” And I said yes, and the three of them proceeded to wash my dishes! One was getting frustrated cuz there were more of them than work so I handed her a towel and grabbed one for myself and while two washed, we rinsed and dried. At least I helped a little this time, and my dishes were done much quicker than had I done them alone, so it was good.
A little bit later Trisa came back to my house and said, “Ashley, there is a funeral in the village over there (points) and I am going, you shall come with me too.” Well, ok then! hahaha, I closed up my house and left with her and we walked to a nearby village where hundreds of people were gathered, either cooking, eating, or dancing. I had never seen so much nsima! Nsima was everywhere! We sat for a while with some other ladies and Trisa ate lunch and I didn’t since I had just ate. The local Gule Wankulu were also present at the funeral and were running around causing a ruckus. We were all standing up watching one run around chasing people and I realized I was standing in the sun with not sunscreen. I started to apply some, which of course made me the new center of attention and Trisa said we could find a place to sit in the “shadow”. We walked back to where this large group of people we huddle in a circle, women on one side and men on the other, and a group of men were drumming and some people were dancing. We sat in the shade of the house that belong to the family of the deceased with some other women who were all very interested in me and who I was. We chatted for a while until one of the HSAs from my Health Center Samuel said to come with him because he wanted me to see the Gule Wankulu and had a chair for me. I followed him and we entered the large circle and there in the midst of all the important men was a vacant chair waiting for me. I felt extremely awkward as I sat down across from the group of women and children who were all staring at me. Thankfully if wasn’t long before the Gule came and began to enter the circle one or two at a time to dance. It was interesting because a lot of people were giving them money. I asked Samuel about it and he said, “It’s just our culture.” Oook. I couldn’t believe in a place where children are malnourished and people have clothes falling off their bodies with so many rips and holes in them, that they were giving away their money to these men just because they were dancing. *shrug* I asked Samuel whether or not having the Gule at funerals was common and he said no, but the man who died had asked that they be there at his funeral. He also said that sometimes they will come if a chief has died.
After the funeral we walked back to our village and I went to visit Gladys. She said there was a football (soccer) match going on and we were going to go watch. I followed her and some of the other ladies to the soccer field and we stayed and watched the local boys play against another village team. Sadly, we lost, but it was a fun experience. I went back home with Gladys and ate dinner with her and George, his cousin and nephew. I had been eating dinner with them all week and not really intentionally, but I’d be over there and then Gladys would tell me to go inside and we’d sit and play cards or talk and then all of the sudden the guys were bringing in dinner and we’d eat. I was starting to feel bad so I brought over some vegetables for dinner, so I could contribute something. After dinner George told me that Catherine, the 1st volunteer to live here, would only come over for dinner with an invitation. He said, Salima, the 2nd volunteer, would come over when she liked but it wasn’t very often. He said that I am over all the time and he said, “And I am very very happy about this!” I was relieved and said I’d rather be there with them and in my house all alone cuz my house is so big for one person. He agreed and said, “Yes and if this house had another bedroom you would just live here with us!” hehehehe, it really touched me that they are so happy to have me over to the point that they’d want me to live there, so I no longer feel guilty about spending so much time there. 
That was all in ONE day! The rest of the week has been equally good and busy, including Thursday I went with Gladys and Helen to a neighbors house who was having a rehearsal dance party for a wedding that is soon and all the children and teens were dancing. I learned the dance and everyone thought it was hilarious that I was dancing too. Helen and Gladys then kind of argued over who would feed me dinner. Helen said I’d come over to eat with her and Gladys said, no she eats at my house! and Helen said, ok well I’ll take her just tonight and you can have her back tomorrow, to which Gladys agreed. lol I am so thankful and happy that I am already making friends and feeling like I’m a part of my community.
My language skills are still less than desired, but I’ve noticed that spending so much time with everyone I am started to understand more of what is said to me, even if I can’t always communicate what I want to say. I’m excited to be able to one day carry on a conversation in Chichewa!
Gladys!
One of her friend washing clothes and a young girl being silly
From right to left: My house, George and Gladys’ house, the nurse’s
The Health Center
The view off the main road down the road that leads to my house (building on right) and the Health Center (on left).
Those are a few pictures of my life here in the village, hope you enjoyed!
Now about being a “fat”, “old” and “single” white woman in Malawi:
I was pre-warned before coming here that I may get proposed to often. I have yet to be official proposed to, however, I have had many run-ins with men wanting to be my boyfriend! One day I was at Helen’s house when her husbands boss come by to check in. He came in the house and sat down and asked me the standard questions, what is your name, how old are you, are you married? I said I wasn’t married but I do have a boyfriend back home. Helen said he is my fiancé (which she had told me before, that even though we are not officially engaged, we know in our hearts we are lol) and the man seemed very disappointed. As he was leaving he tells me, “I am sorry I did not know you were engaged. I would have liked to be your boy friend.” Whoa, that’s up front lol. I just kind of laughed and said sorry and he said it was ok and wished me a good night.
Then the other day I was at Gladys’ when the brother of another woman in the village who lives in Mitundu came by to visit. He spoke fairly good English and asked me the typical questions. When I told him how old I was he said I was too old, that I should be married by now and have children. (Mind you he is only 18). I told him I have a boy friend in America and he asks if we’re getting married next year. I say no because I will be here in Malawi, maybe when I go home. He says that then I need two boy friends, one in America and one here in Malawi so that I may then chose one to marry. I told him I liked having just the one, but he continued to try and argue with me that logically it made more sense to have two. lol
I also have men tell me how beautiful I am because I am so fat. Even women tell me I am fat. It’s meant to be a compliment I know, so I try not to feel too hurt about, but it’s not exactly fun. Someone told me that they like fat people because they think if you are fat then you don’t have HIV because you are healthy. Um, that’s good logic! not. Oh well, I get ogled at by men and asked for my number on many occasions, even once by a police man on the street! A man that works with Dre came over while I was at her house last week and his eyes nearly popped out of his head and his jaw to the ground when he turned and saw me. Even Dre had to stifle a laugh because it was so ridiculously obvious. He wouldn’t stop shaking my hand, telling me how happy he was I was there and thankful to have me near by.
THEN, I had a man that I met tell me he wanted me to be his wife, to which I replied the usual, “Sorry I have a boyfriend.” He said, not to marry him instead. I said, I really like the one I have so too bad. Yet he kept insisting that I should marrying him, explaining his good qualities like: he owned an ox cart and several cows, that he was a tobacco farmer and had lots of money. I finally resorted to telling him in broken Chichewa that, “Pepani, koma, ndine American choncho ndine lazi. Sindikufuna kuphika, kuchapa zovala, kusesa, kusolopa, kutenga madzi… palibe, ayi! Simagwira ntchito mu nyumba!” which means,” “ Sorry, but I am American therefore I am lazy. I do not want to cook, to wash clothes, to sweep, to mop, to get water… nothing, no! I do not work in the house!” lol The women sitting with me died laughing and even some of the men started poking fun at him. It was pretty awesome and hilarious.
Oh man… oh, AND there are a few men who work at the hospital in Mitundu who I regrettably gave my number to, only because I thought they’d be good contacts in the future since they’re near by. They were all very friendly and I didn’t think it would be too much of an issue but one calls me often wanting to know where I am and what I am doing and another sends me texts to say hello and tell me he misses me. *sigh* Silly boys…
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Well, I suppose I will wrap up with that since I’ve written you all another novel. Hopefully my posts aren’t too boring tho and you like to read them all!
I miss you all very much and will try to be more diligent when writing posts. I hope all is well at home!
Tiwonana!
